V Learns The Truth About Easter
by AkiaChaos
Summary: Little V has no idea what Easter is about.... But neither dose the one telling her the story! Come take a hilarious look on a classic story! Note: Not for overly religious people. Note 2: Yes, I'm going to hell for this. Note 3: God has a sense of humor.


Author's note: I made this for a RP a year ago. Best thing about is that you don't need to know the characters in order to understand things. Just remember 3 things when reading it.

1. I make reference to V being a sin. Think of it like FMA, she's the sin of Greed. She's around 11 years old and is a shape shifter.

2. The Experiments are the race of people in the house, but that's not very important in this story.

3. Genkaku and Millennium are kinda like Hitler and the Third Reich. Oh, Genkaku has a god complex.

Without further delay, here is the story!

V Learns The Truth About Easter

Easter was closing in fast on the Experiment household. With Genkaku and the rest of Millennium decided to visit, everyone was getting ready for the holiday. Everyone was at the Experiment household, getting along and having fun. But one, was very confused about Easter. Little V. She didn't understand why we celebrate Easter. So the little girl and sin, was very confused. On the night before Easter, while getting ready for the Easter Bunny, little V was being tucked in by VI.

" You ready for the Easter bunny?" He asked, smiling.

V gave a confused look and said, " No… not really…"

" Oh why the long face, V?"

" I don't understand why we celebrate Easter…and what's with Genkaku going on about showing his 'mad skill' ?"

" Well, first of all Genkaku thinks he's god. Second of all, is that's what's been bothering you?"

V nodded, sitting up from her bed.

" Well, why don't I clear up the confusion." VI stated, sitting down on V's bed. " Well, you know Christmas, right?" V nodded. " Well, Jesus was born human. And he was a very smart young lad. He would go around preaching about his father and goodness."

* * *

V Double I: HI!! I'm Jesus!!

Jess: Uh.. Hi?

V Double I: Wanna follow me and be one of my apostles?

Jess: SURE!!! Sounds important!

V Double I: YEA!!! FOLLOWERS!!!

Jess: Shouldn't we get more people?

V Double I: Yes… how many apostles do you think I should have?

Genkaku: 12 DAMN IT!!! WE WENT OVER THIS!!!

V Double I: Whoops!!! Sorry about that father!!

Genkaku: Oh Jesus…..

Jess: Who you talking to?

V Double I: OH my father! He's god.

Jess: So….. Joseph is not your father?

V Double I: No. Just a fluke.

Jess: Oh, okay.

V Double I: Okay, need to find apostles.

Jess: HEY! What about that sign!

V Double I: Huh? "11 apostles looking for work…. Please come to McApostles." Ooo! How convenient!! Let's go! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

" Wait?! There was McDonalds? Back then!?" V asked

" It's not McDonalds. It's McApostles."

" Oh….. Okay….."

* * *

*Jess and V Double I walk into McApostles*

V: OH!! A CUSTOMER!! Welcome to McApostles!! How can I take your order?

V Double I: Oh… I want….. 10 apostles please.

V: Ten? Why ten when you can have 11!?

V Double I: Then I'll have all the 12 apostles I need!!

V: Exactly! I'll tell you what. I'll give ten apostles for discounted price. Plus I throw in a traitor apostle for free!

V Double I: Wow… think of the value I'm getting!

Genkaku: DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!

V Double I: Sure why not!

Genkaku: Oh God….. Wait…… oh me……………

V: Awesome! Hold on one second… HEY YOU GUYS AND JUDAS!!! WE GOT A CUSTOMER!! He bought you, get ready to serve!!! GO GO GO!!!!

* Sam, Sherly, Kaiga, Gai, Jian, Espera, Blair, Clair, Ira, IV, and Double I come out of the back and go near V Double I*

Sherly: You rang?

V Double I: SWEET!! Oh…. And uh…. Can I have a dollar menu saint?

V: Sure can! Mary Magdalene!!! GET YOUR WHORE ASS OUT HERE!!

* Gorbin comes out*

V Double I: OH YES!!! Here ya go! *hands V money*

V: Thank-you and have a nice day!

*They go outside*

V Double I: So, might as well tell you who I am. I am Jesus! Son of god.

Jess: I am Simon!

Sam: I'm Andrew! Brother of Simon.

Blair: I'm James, Son of Zebedee.

Clair: John, John! Brother, James!

Sherly: I'm Philip!

Gai: I am known as Bartholomew, son of Talemai.

Jian: I'm Matthew, the tax collector!

IV: G'day, names Thomas.

Espera: But, I'm James the Just.

Ira: I'm Thaddeus.

Kaiga: I'm Simon the Zealot.

Double I: An' I'm Judas Iscariot.

V Double I: Okay a few things. First Simon. I don't like your name. It's gonna confuse me with Simon the Zealot! So, I'm gonna rename you! Uh… Mike… no…. Josh….. No……… Shi'thead…………….. Nah………… um…. I KNOW!!! I'll name you!!! PETER!

Jess: Oh, okay!

V Double I: And Judas……. That's a cool name! You're a cool dude.

Double I: STOP TOUCHING ME!!!!!

Gorbin: What the hell?

V Double I: SHUT UP WHORE!!

* Gorbin gives evil glare.*

* * *

" So then what happened?" V asked, sitting up.

" Well, Jesus and his apostles went around preaching." VI stated, smiling.

* * *

V Double I: I AM JESUS!!! SON OF GOD!!

Sherly: Word.

V Double I: Uh………….. LISTEN TO ME!!!

Max: Or what?

* V Double I looks to his apostles, and nods, as they all take out guns and point them at the crowd.*

Inju: HOLY FUCK!!!

V Double I: Or we'll pop a cap in ya!

Seymour: OKAY!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

Genkaku: Hell yea bitches!

* * *

"Uh…. And then what happened?"

" Um……. Well the Roman Emperor was getting angry with Jesus, because he was the one to deify his words and the roman gods."

* * *

Pierce: I am the Roman Emperor, and I'm pissed and want to kill Jesus!!!

* * *

" And so he was looking to find Jesus who went in hiding."

* * *

V Double I: HAHAHA!!! YOU CAN'T FIND ME!!!

Pierce: Son-of-a-bitch!!!

* * *

'And Jesus would have gotten away with it. But then Judas told on him, and betrayed him."

* * *

Double I: Hey… You wanna know where Jesus is?

Pierce: Yeah.

Double I: He's in a special cave…. Under your palace.

Pierce: WHAT THE HELL!!!???

* * *

"Thus Jesus was captured and tried."

* * *

Pierce: I am the Roman Emperor, Pilate!

V Double I: Yea right…. And I'm Jesus Christ…………….. Oh wait…………….. Damn it…….

Pierce: Uh…… yeah……… anyways. Your convicted, for going against me and my rule. So your going die on a cross.

V Double I: Will that hurt?

Pierce: Yes, I will put a crown of thorns on your head, make you carry a heavy cross for a good distance, nail your hands and feet to the cross and watch you die a painful death, as you slowly die from suffocation.

V Double I: ……….. crap…………..

Pierce: But I will let you have a few days of freedom, before you must come back here on your execution day.

V Double I: Sweet… uh…. See ya dude!!!

* * *

"Well then what happened?"

" Well…. Then the last supper happened!"

* * *

V Double I: Okay guys… I'm gonna die soon. So… uh… do me a favor and continue my father's preaching.

IV: Well … alright mate..

Espera: We should name the day you die something special!

Sam: Yeah… uh……… how about Jesus day!

Ira: No…. how about Jesus and the Cross day…

Jian: How about Memorial day?

V Double I: No, we using it for something in the future.

Double I: 'ow 'bout Death Day Celebration!!

Sherly: Shu' up Judas!! It's you' faul' tha' Jesus is gonna 'ie!

Double I: If he's God's son then why doesn't 'e strike dow' th' empero'.

Kaiga: ………….. Now that you mention it, why don't you?

V Double I: Strict rules and regulations….

Everyone: Ahh…..

Jess: How about Easter?

V Double I: THAT'S PERFECT!!!!!

Jess: What?

V Double I: EASTER! So no ones knows that I'm actual gonna die that day! It sounds happy!! Okay so I'm suppose to do this and say take this goblet!! It has my blood! Drink it!

Everyone: HELL NO!!!!

V Double I: WHY NOT?!

Kaiga: Although some of us may look it, were not vampires!

V Double I: ………. Well fine…. Don't drink the wine…

Everyone: WAIT!!!

V Double I: What?

Blair: Now THAT'S a different story!

*They all take the cup and drink*

V Double I: Now take this bread. It's my body!……. Figuratively speaking.

*All eat the bread*

V Double I: So uh…….. Now what?

Clair: Poker?

V Double I: SURE!!

Kaiga: Hell no.

V Double I: Why?

Kaiga: Were not stupid as you can magically change the cards in your hand to what you need by touching them!

V Double I: ……………..Shit………

* * *

" And then the next Day, Jesus was killed."

* * *

V Double I: *gets slapped by Pierce* SHIT, I'm dead!

*drops dead*

* * *

" What the hell?!" V yelled in protest.

"What?"

" Why did you censor it?!"

" If it's a mature rated movie, then you shouldn't hear it."

" But remember who has the best score in all your M rated games.…."

"Shit………"---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*V Double I gets nailed to a cross as blood is spewing everywhere in a blood bath*

Sateen: !!!

V Double I: !!!

Jess: !!!

Espera: !!!

Pierce: !!!

Kaiga: !!!

Double I: !!!

Seymour: THERE'S SO MUCH BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!

Pee Wee Herman: YOU SAID THE WORD OF THE DAY!! BLOOD!!! !!!!!!

Jian: PEDO!!!!! !!!

Clair: ……………………………….................................................. ...........................................................................................................

* * *

*delayed reaction scream* !!!---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

" And then that Sunday, Jesus rose from the dead."

* * *

V Double I: Heya guys!

Everyone: HOSHIT YOUR DEAD!!!!!

V Double I: I came back! To prove my fathers powers.

Minage: Yeah… he did that once before hasn't he?!

Kaiga: Wait….. You came back from the dead?

V Double I: I thought we went over this….

Kaiga: So by technical terms… you're a Zombie…..

V Double I: ……………………………. I guess so?

*everyone takes out guns*

V Double I: Oh fuck………………

* * *

" And that's what happen. And why we celebrate Easter." VI said simply. V looked at him and then asked " There's still one thing I don't understand…."

"And what's that?" he asked smiling.

" What dose the Easter bunny have to do with Jesus Christ? I mean I understand Christmas. Three wise men show up with a gift. I love you. Symbolism. I love you. Here's a gift. Symbolism. I get that. How'd the bunny and egg thing happen?!" she asked, confused.

" Well, it's ……. uh …….. Simple really!" he said.

* * *

* Seth walks up to Franziska*

Seth: Hey, did you hear Franz.

Franz: No, what?

Seth: Jesus rose from the dead.

Franz: LE GASP!! Hide the eggs! …………… HIDE THE EGGS!!! QUICK! WE GOTTA DRINK JESUS!!! PAINT THE EGGS!!! PAINT THEM PURPLE!! PUT THEM IN THE PARK!!! DRINK JESUS!!!!! SPREAD THE WORD!!! FROM NOW ON EGGS COME FROM RABBITS!!!

Seth: …………… WHY?!

Franz: SO HE DOESN'T TAKE THE CHICKENS TOO ASS!!!!

*is whipping Seth*

Seth: OKAY!!!!!!

* * *

" And that's how we have the eggs. And rabbits."

"Oh okay…."

" Is everything clear?"

"Yes VI. Thank you!" she said happily.

" No problem V. Now go to bed, V. Tomorrow the Easter bunny will be here and leave you goodies!" he said smiling. V then cuddled up and went to bed.

The next morning V woke up to a magnificent surprise. Each person in the household had a basket, filled with goodies and presents. V was happily munching on a chocolate coin, when Seth complained.

"Why don't I have that much goodies?!"

"That's because you didn't drink Jesus enough!" V piped up, glaring at Seth.

" What the hell?!"

" And Double I! You shouldn't have betrayed Jesus!! He was just being a nice guy!!"

" Actually, tha' was a combo of me an' Envy."

" Well still. Okay I'm gonna go drink Jesus. Be right back!" And as V left, Double I looked at VI.

"Wha' the hell crack pot story di' ya tell 'er?" " The story of Jesus…."

"Well tha' explains it."

And with that the rest of the sins laugh, while everyone else eats their candy.

THE END! AND HAPPY EASTER!!!


End file.
